Thursday, July 10, 2014

Feeling the Direction, Direction of the Feeling

This is an artwork by Peggy Pilapil-Lasa.

I always want to know where God wants me to be and if I am on the right track.  However, I cannot literally hear His voice.  At times I would feel confused and have anxiety attack about the future.  I tend to forget that I must focus with my present and let God direct me.  But...  How would I know where God is leading me?  How would I know if it is really God or just a figment of my imaginations?  There are times that I would just blab about all of these to God and yet I do not hear any response.  I want to justify that cannot hear anything because I am not listening.  I am really clueless on how to really listen to God.  I think I might have mentioned too many "really" here now.

Then, there is this "free will" which is given to us.  I can decide for my actions.  Another but...  But I have to think about where these actions will lead me closer to God.  What if I thought it would?  But in the end, it is only my thinking.  I tried doing things which I thought would make me a better person.  But it seems like I felt I pulling further away from getting close to God.  How would I know if it is the right path?  Most people would probably suggest that I should pray, be silent, and open myself to God.  Seems easy, but not for me. How would I know if I am actually opening myself to God?

What next?

Maybe, I should not be fixated thinking too much.  I must relax myself from all the stress and anxiety that I am having.  Probably, one cause of how I am feeling right now is my nearing comprehensive examination.  I must continue studying, praying for it, and let God pour His grace upon me.

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